Friday, May 9, 2014

Things Moms say...

As a mom of four kids, a Norwegian, a dog, and a blankie called Nanny, I find that I am often surrounded by little people.  In honor of the impending Mother's Day extravaganza weekend ahead, I figured I'd post a few things that I've found myself saying in response to certain situations involving certain little people.

Would you burp like that if the President was here for dinner?

Get off of your sister's face please.

Do not whip your brother with Nanny!

We don't say kill you.

We don't say half-wit.

Please do not lick your meatball.

Please do not lick the door knob.

Quick! Get your undies on! You cannot go to the ice-cream truck naked!!

No, we cannot have skittles and orange soda for dinner.

Do not shoot your sister again, or you will sit on the stairs.

No, not ALL moms have those dents on their legs. Thanks.

Can anyone tell me why there is applesauce in my shoe?

I will spank your bare hiney right here in public if you do that again!

Little girls are not really supposed to drink coffee for breakfast.

Do you really want dirty little germs to build their little germ houses on your teeth? Good! then brush!

Why does your blankie have a leash on it??

No, you can NOT try to blow up a potato with gasoline.

No, rocks don't catch on fire. Wait, WHY??!

Maybe you can jump off the bridge when you're nine.

Not it!!!!!

I will pay you if you try out for baseball.

I will pay you if you wear what I pick out for one week.

Uncooked spaghetti is probably not considered a healthy snack.

Because jumping off the shed onto the trampoline is dangerous, that's why!

We don't say, "poop on a shingle."

We don't say, "pooped in your face."

If I hear the word "poop" one more time at the dinner table, someone is sitting on the stairs!

No, I will not give you $39 to buy a BB gun.

You can't live off of Pop Tarts and applesauce.

Who ate bee yo-yos* in my bed???!!

Is that my toothbrush that you are using on your doll's hair??!

Because I'm the Mom, that's why.

Any momisms you'd care to share?

*bee yo yo = Honeynut Cheerios.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

my super exciting night at home

On my last night at home (this is not unusual.  pretty much every night I have is at home, let's call a spade a spade), I:

Watched: a dvr'd episode of Orphan Black.  So good.

Shopped online for: a few Alex & Ani bracelets for two of my nieces, and a Tiffany's necklace for my other niece. Hopefully, neither of them will read this anytime soon.

Called: nobody.  I hate calling people on the phone.

Kissed: a couple of my kids.

Texted: my sister Ali.  She finished all of the levels of Candy Crush and doesn't know what to do with herself.

(Just so we are all in the know, I beat Candy Crush FIRST,  but Ali was able
to continue to play a few more levels on her iPad.  Apparently there were
extra levels online vs playing on your phone.  Who knew?)  
Wore: my momiform, of course.  Yoga pants, a tank top and a cardigan.

Hung out with: someone cute and nice.

Laughed at: someone cute and nice.

Cooked: leftover taco stuff and made a taco salad. Yum!

Well, shoot!  Looking at this picture makes me wish I had more leftovers!
Also, in case you were thinking I was overeating, that is not a dinner plate,
it is a salad plate.  It looks like a massive portion, but it wasn't.
Wah.  I wish it was.  Because it was great.

Friday, May 2, 2014

I'm (blank) because v 2

I'm (weird) because...
I'm happy being by myself or with someone I love in quiet solitude for extended periods of time.  Because I believe in hanging on and holding out.  Because I don't care if something hard or unusual or different seems like a far-reaching fantasy. 

I'm (a bad friend) because...
I hardly ever reach out, I suck at friend maintenance.  I hate talking on the phone.  I forget to send birthday cards.

I'm (a good friend) because...
I'm loyal.  I am always in your corner, and I will fight to defend you.  Because you can tell me anything and I will never betray your confidence.  Because I will listen and be there and not judge.  Because I'll always answer.  Because if you are truly my friend, I love you and will do anything for you.

I'm (sad) because...
Life feels too short.  I'm afraid there's not enough time to get to everything. Because sometimes you don't get what you wish for.  Because I don't know what I want to be.  Because I let people hurt me.  Because I hurt people.  Because I'm missing someone.

I'm (happy) because...

I'm (excited) because...
Life is good.  My people are safe and happy.  There's so much good ahead.