Tuesday, October 29, 2013

heart shaped rocks

I just found this heart shaped rock while I was hiking.  

Funny, I happened to be thinking about a time I was walking on the beach a couple of years ago, head down just mulling.  I just had so much on my mind. I was looking at all of the different and unusual rocks and shells, and I sort of made a little deal with myself. I told myself that if I could find a heart shaped rock, then I wasn't wrong about things that I had been feeling, doing, thinking so deeply about.  As I walked, I layed out the rules for my game, it had to clearly be a heart shape, I had to continue walking the path that I had planned, it had to be a shell or a rock.  Each footstep brought me closer to wrapping up my walk, and there was just... nothing.  On a beach with literally millions of rock and shells and shapes.  Like maybe it really wasn't meant to be.  Like the thoughts and feelings that I had been mulling over were way off base, just wrong.  Trudging up the dune, sand deep and hot and biting my ankles, the noise of the waves blended with the sounds of families on the beach and it all seemed so far away.  Salty sweat touched the corner of my lip, but it tasted like a tear, and then I saw it.

My rock.  My heart shaped rock.  I found it, right at the end of the walk.  Right when I needed to find it.  Right when I needed an answer.  Do you know that feeling in your chest, when you can finally breathe after you've been holding your breath?  That's what it felt like, when I saw it.

I'm always looking for heart shaped rocks now when I walk alone.  My game. My Magic 8 ball.

I stood and looked at this one a bit, this answer that I desperately need.  And I decided to leave my heart it where it was.  Just go and leave it.  But I can't leave it fully God damn it, so I took a picture of it so I could remember before I walked away.  So there it is.  

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