My couches are fugly and I cant stand them and the ground they sit on

Actually, I can stand the ground they sit on because I have really great wide planked wood floors, but I. Am. In. Hate. With. My. Buttercream. Couches.

And Alex is all like, lets just wait till next year to replace them.  Next year we will be loaded (side note: two car loans and a camper paid off and a kid who will have graduated from college = way more cash in my pocket. yeehaw!).  And I am all like, Shut up you ass.  Let's just go out and buy new couches now!  Throw caution to the wind!  We could be dead next year!  And he's all like, well then I guess we wouldn't need new couches then, would we Jessee.  And then I am all like, don't ever call me Jessee again.  And then he smugly chuckles.  And so I fume inwardly.

I hate waiting to buy something.

I double hate waiting to buy something I want, and I rarely do, actually.  I never claimed to be patient.  I fake being patient as needed, but really I am so not.

It's not fair.

oh ho ho. karma does exist.

So amidst the craziness that we like to refer to as Christmas shopping, I made the bold decision to cart my butt to Target.  Because, well, obviously.

I'm not sure what in Cod's name I was thinking, being that shopping at any time of day or night during the last two weeks before Christmas could be equated with attending a meet and greet in the 6th circle of hell.  But let's just say I had some random crap to get.  Not  presents.  Shockingly.  I am currently gloating with glee about the fact that I am actually 98.9 % finished with my Christmas shopping.  GLEE.

So anyway, I was being the parking lot shark that I am, scoping out the best and closest spot to park (because I am all lazy like that), and don't you know it, a spot became available like two places down!  Right in front of the store!  It was like the Holy Grail of parking spots during this crazy Christmas Countdown!  So I was inwardly patting myself on the back for my awesome parking spot to be, when some lady ass slid all slyly right into my hard earned spot!!

Well, you know I try not to sweat the small stuff, because I have been reformed of that kind of behavior.  For a second there, I was shocked.  And I considered that this was not the small stuff.  It was pretty much what I would call the big stuff.  Because like, who does that?? But then I pulled my shit together, dug down deep for some Christmas cheer, and just drove off to find another spot.  Mentally I swore at her, but that's beside the point.

I know. I know!  I couldn't believe my niceness in the face of her blatent rudeness either.

So I circled a couple times.  Then I decided, forget trying to find a spot here, and I rode down the way a little to TJ Maxx because I needed to buy two headlamps (don't ask).  I figured I would just run in and get them, then go back to Target in a few minutes to continue my quest at finding a good parking spot again.

So I got the two freaking headlamps and headed back down to Target like 15 minutes later.  And guess what guys??

The spot stealing lady left her headlights on.

I will say it one more time for good measure.  She left her headlights on.

Well if that isn't Karma I don't know what is.

And even though I wouldn't gloat in someone's misfortune, I didn't feel the least bit guilty for smirking the whole way into the store.

this one little character flaw of mine

You know what my worst part about being sick is?

No, not the blowing of the nose.  That is definitely the second worst.  (I will admit to an unusual issue with nose blowing, but we can cover that in another post.)

Not the sleeping crappy, the tired eyes, the stuffy-ness.  Not even the pounding headaches and sneezing and sick belly stuff. 

My ultimate worst part of being sick is wondering who the hell infected me.  Seriously.  It's all consuming.  I can't stand the thought of the disgusting little sick germ that someone gave me.  Did I touch the escalator railing?  Did someone sneeze in my eye?  Did somone cough on my phone?  Did I inadvertently touch someone's germy mucous???!

I drive myself crazy thinking about it. 

It's definitely a character flaw.  I am so not a Howie Mandell/Michael Jackson type of germaphobe, but I definitely could see myself slowly approaching that level.

My sister Jenney does not appreciate this about me.  She thinks people worry too much about that crap.  But she is the person that has cheese sticks and gogurt in her refrigerator 2 months after their expiration date.  She is the one who eats meaty pizza that was left out overnight.  She is the one who does not use her sleeve as a bacteria shield when opening or closing a public bathroom door!  She thinks a few misc germs are no big deal. 

And she's a nurse!  A really smart nurse even.

I can't help it.  I am positive someone kissed me with germy spit in their mouth recently.  I am anxiously waiting for that tell-tale tickle in the back of my throat to start...

Two weeks before Christmas!  Grr.

There comes a time

There comes a time in every couple's marriage, when you have to answer a very important question.

And that question is: Is there room in your life for a new television show/series?

I mean, my DVR(s) can only handle so much.  And there really is only so much couple-time in a day to devote to television watching.

For the most part, our allotted time is 3 hours.  That's what we have.  And if nothing that we like is on, then we just do our own things.  Like Alex will play Klondike on his end of the couch and I will read blogs and the news on my end of the couch.

On a side note, what if Alex tried to get on my side?  I mean, what if he just took my spot on the couch?  It would be like just as weird as if all of a sudden your husband got in bed on your side.  And went to sleep there, leaving you to gaze with uncertainty at his side.  Who would do that?? I don't know how I would feel about that.

Well, yes I do.  I would feel very weird about changing it up.

My TV is not on at all during the day.  I can't stand to have it on and I don't like daytime TV.  Well, I love Ellen and would try to make a strong effort to be her secret girlfriend if I was gay, but other than that, I don't care about daytime TV.   I do, however, really love my night time shows.

And I have been considering adding another show or two to the lineup.  Like on Mondays, we only watch House.  That's it.  Wednesdays and Thursdays and Sundays are definitely overbooked, but Fridays (and Saturdays for that matter) we have nothing at all that we watch.

Any suggestions?

my new favorite word is incidentally

My old favorite word was "however," but I have since started overusing the word incidentally.


In my defense, it is very fitting in a lot of sentences.

I can find my new favorite word in several recent posts.

Here is one example.

Here is another.

And here is one more, for good measure.

Incidentally, I just discovered I used incidentally in yesterday's post too.

Do you ever find yourself doing that?  I mean, overusing a particular word?  It's like all of a sudden you discovered it so you inadvertently find a way to inject it into as many conversations as you can?

Just so you know, I brought it to my own attention.  I'm going to try to quit saying it.  But if I do, I am going to have to find a replacement word that I like just as much. 

Like... um... oh I am having a moment of utter blankness in my mind.  What other words do I like as much as however and incidentally and y'all??

How about snarky?  (incidentally, spell check tried to change the word snarky to snaky.  Like, there's a snaky in my boot?  WTF?  Who says that?)  My son said snarky the other day and it made me laugh.  It kind of rolls off the tongue funny.  Snarky. SNARKY.  OK, OK.  I'll give it the old college try and let you know how it goes.  Because I know you are all super interested.  Unless someone can come up with a better suggestion for a good word for me to overuse.  Larry?

Can someone please explain - what is NANoWriMo?

NaNoWriMo??

Does anyone even know?

What is it anyway?

I think everyone knows but me.

Why am I so intrigued?

And most importantly, why didn't I participate??

Is it too late?

Have I lost my chance to write a novel?

And incidentally, why am I writing a post with only questions?

Do I have an imbalance?

Did I pass it on to my son???!

What should I do now?

Should I pretend it is Nov 1-30 and just start writing (the click me registration button is still up)??

Can I?

What the eff is wrong with me today anyway?

rough weekend

Ah, rough weekend... more like rough week. 


My husband's cousin Vicki was waiting on a liver transplant and died.  All last week the anticipation of the up coming wakes and funeral have been difficult.  Thinking of Vicki's two kids, who are amazing, and her husband of 25+ years... her identical twin sister (who recently survived a liver transplant herself). Ugh.  It's had me in tears on and off all week.   Of course the services were every bit as emotional as I imagined.


Kara was very close to Vicki's daughter Maggie.  They are the same age and both sing and act.  Many times they sang duets and recorded music together.  They grew up playing with each other, and though they have kind of gone in different directions with college and stuff, I am confident that their friendship will always remain sturdy.  It's funny, Kara actually spent more time with Vicki than I ever did - sleepovers, trips to the city to see shows, lunches out...

Vicki's son is expecting his first baby this winter, so I think it must make things especially hard for him, knowing that his mother will never hold and love on her first grandchild, knowing that his new baby son will never meet his grandmother.

And Maggie... her Mom was truly her best friend.  I think it will be so tough for her, coming to terms with the fact that her mother is really gone. 

They all had such high hopes that the transplant would happen.  I hate thinking about the fact that with a liver available to her, she would more than likely still be here. 

I have never met a woman more devoted to her kids, more willing to do everything and anything for anyone with a cheerful smile, a funny giggle.  She was honestly one of the best people that I have ever met.  Just a good, kind and genuine person.

I remember the last time I saw Vicki, at the end of the summer.  We stopped over with the kids to do sparklers and sit by the lake one night.  She was wrapped up in a blanket, even though the night was warm.  And she of course was trying to be a hostess, offering to get us drinks, the kids marshmallows to roast.  She looked peaceful and happy that we were there.

When your husband says "wetties"

So the other night, my husband and I went to see a movie and grab a bite to eat.  Alone. 

Yes we do that now sometimes, since our baby is five years old.  And her controlling mother can finally allow someone else to put her to bed every so often.  And the five year old baby is totally fine with that.  In fact, I often hear, "When can Alyssa come babysit again Mom?  Don't you have someplace you want to go?"  Hmph.

So we are out at the movies and we head in to get our seats, and my husband looks at me and says with all seriousness, "I'm just going to run in and go wetties before the movie starts."

By "go wetties," he meant "go to the bathroom."

Yes.  Yes he did.  He said wetties to me at the movies. 

Because apparently, that is how we talk still.  And by we, I mean not me.

I didn't make up wetties, so don't blame me.  One of my kids did it.  I'm not sure why it was more effective than just saying go to the bathroom.  We all know what you mean when you say you have to go to the bathroom, right?

Well, except for my BIL, who will remain nameless to protect his privacy, must ask at all times, "Crapper?"  when anyone mentions that they have to go to the bathroom.  Like he just needs to clarify what is going on in there.

Wetties is pretty dumb.  Now, Brooke takes a lot of joy in saying pee.  Like everyone else in Kindergarten.  When I grew up, my mom wouldn't let us say pee, because she thought it sounded gross.  So we had to say wet.  And it was so embarassing.  Seriously.

Like, "Hey all of you uber cool teen-agers, wait for me!  I have to wet first."

Which, incidentally, sounds ridiculous as I even write it.

So of course, I made my kids all say wet too.  Because you know, we all turn into our own mother's at some point, right?   Right??!

So I turned to my husband and burst out laughing.  Because you know, it was just us.  No little five year old around to catch us saying "pee."  And he just looked at me like I was a weirdo. 

So I went into the ladies room with a smirk and of course went wetties too.  

banana muffies - a recipie

Oh.  I do love it when bananas get too brown for anyone to want to eat them.  In my house it's like Cod forbid a banana has a speckle on it.





my kids call these banana muffies

 

Way back when I lived in Colorado, my Aunt Wynnie used to make the best banana muffins ever...  they were so great and warm and homey...  I was lucky enough to bring that recipe back to NY with me.  And because I am all nice and domestic-ish, I thought I would share my favorite muffin recipe with you, even though this is not a cooking blog.  I hope you are cool with my mini break from weird and random-ness.  I of course expect you to give credit where credit is due if you choose to try out the recipe, and refer to these only as "Wynnie Muffs."

So anyway, back to the YUM muffs.  The muffins of pure amazing yum-ness and joy.  The banana muffmuffs that I lovelove.


OK, I've gotten a hold of myself.  Can you so tell that I am not a foodie blogger?  Yeah. Whatever!

(ps, i am not being hostile, however it may seem.)


Anyway it's pretty simple and straightforward, as far as recipes go.  I even took a few pictures for your viewing pleasure, like a real foodie blogger would do.  Until I got sick of taking pictures of ingredients that is.  Like a real foodie blogger would not do.





here are a couple of speckled bananas

 Ingredients:
2 1/4 cups of sifted flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt

1/2 c soft margarine
1 1/4 c sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 c mashed bananas

-Sift together dry ingredients.
-In another bowl, cream margarine and sugar.  Beat in eggs, one at a time.
-Blend in vanilla and bananas.
-Combine with dry ingredients.
-Mix.

-Fill each muffin tin evenly, makes about 18 (if you don't eat the batter).

-Bake at 375 for 20 minutes.

-You can add walnuts or chocolate chips to these, but we usually make them plain.

When cool, you can ice with a mixture of powdered sugar, milk and vanilla

So there you have it!  A nice banana muffie recipe.  Now go on and party like the rockstar that you are.

safety third? dumb bells and death wishes

Something is seriously wrong with my son Alex.  Either he is a straight up dummy or he has a death wish.

The dummy daredevil

A few weeks ago, Alex asked to ride his bike down to his buddy August's house.  They were going to hang around and stuff.  So I said sure, you know, no big deal.  He's thirteen now and he loves to ride his bike.  It's his main mode of transportation, and since we live in a small town, everything is relatively in biking distance.  Plus, the added bonus is that I don't have to drive him all over the place.


So, foolish mother that I am, I trust him to make good decisions.  Little did I know exactly what goes on when he rides his bike.  I get this phone call with someone telling me that he rode his bike all the way down this long steep road with no helmet on - STANDING on his pedals, hands up in the air, like an airplane.  Like, not holding the handlebars even.  And he proceeds to make a real corner like that.  How does one even accomplish such a thing??


On the plus side, getting that kind of phone call proves to me that living in a small town has its perks.  On the not plus side, it also proves to me that my son has an imbalance.