just a heads up I guess

I've been trying to disable my blog, temporarily.  Apparently I can't do that... I didn't want to completely delete it, unless I decide to post again.  

I like the people that I've met through blogging, it's been surprisingly nice to connect with people like this.  I think it works for me because I don't feel like I am that good at making friends in person.  I often struggle with feeling awkward, coming off wrong somehow.

But anyway, I didn't want to make some dramatic exit, or be all weird and cryptic, and I didn't want to just disappear, because that might not be so nice to all of the three readers out there.  I didn't want to be like one of those Facebook posters who is all, "I'm deleting my Facebook because you people are all jerks!" or something.  Mainly because I don't think you people are all jerks, but also because I think those posters seem to be sort of needy attention seekers, and that is basically the exact opposite of who I am.

I guess it's time for a break for me.  For now, I'm ready to be done.  It's too hard to post when I feel like I can't write what I want to say, what I need to say.  I'll keep reading my favorite blogs, commenting and lurking around I'm sure.  I'm a little too addicted to the blogging world to give up entirely.  Thanks guys, for sticking around and hanging with me, even through a fair amount of lame boring filler posts.  Who knows, maybe I'll miss this too much and end up popping back into your feed one day.

My email address is up there in the contact info, if you want to keep in touch.



Across the time and space
A never-ending dance
A blooming and a trance
You make me feel my soul
There's no more loneliness
Only sparkles and sweat
There's no more single fate
You make me feel myself
-M83

friday five

So it's Friday, which means I'm hosting this Friday Five Blog Hop thing again.  Basically, it's a super easy post.  I used to just set the timer and free write, whatever was on my mind, without trying to censor or think too hard.  Usually, once I started, it was easy, and I didn't have to think about it at all. 

That's kind of my goal for this blog hop - just five minutes of free writing.  Nothing Fancy, nothing planned, nothing needing to be humorous, or inspiring or anything for others - just for you.

So set your timer!  When you're finished, link up and share!

12:50 pm

Alex and the kids have the day off today because of Good Friday, but strangely enough, I am all alone.  Brooke got invited to play at a friend's house, Megan had a sleepover last night, and the boys just went to play some tennis.  Tennis!  WooHOO!  Tennis means Spring for sure.

I'm fine with the quiet.  More than fine.  It will get busy and noisy around here in no time.  I pick Kara up from the train at 4ish, and my sister Jen and her family are coming in for the weekend and staying over at our house, which makes me very happy.  Though we have never done Easter morning with anyone else - hopefully the house will be big enough for lots of eggs.

There's kind of a full weekend planned, which is good, because it keeps my mind busy. We're going to dinner tonight, tomorrow we're going to a movie, and Sunday of course is Easter, so we'll be cooking and hanging and eating.  Next week my kids have no school for their spring break, and I was kind of thinking of taking a little spontaneous trip somewhere.  I don't know... I checked a few things out, but I guess we'll see.

Anyway, time's up, so happy Easter weekend!  Hope you all have fun and get lots of jellybeans.  Don't forget to link up below!

quite the shocker

I know this is going to come as quite a shock to some of you, but I have drastically changed my free kiss list.

I know, I know!

I'm usually not so fickle!

But I think I've got it right now.

As I said before, I had stuck with my last free kiss, Dave Matthews, for many years.  Then I was kinda feeling like I was over it.  So I was debating, hemming and hawing (I know I've said I am not a hemmer or hawer, but when it comes to a free kiss - THAT is something you have to be totally sure about).  I just wasn't feeling my last picks.

So anyway, I figured I would share my new and improved list.  And I also figured, why do I have to just settle on one free kiss anyway?  I mean, really five is a good number.  Five is what I have settled on.

So before I get to the list, I am going to remind you that I don't usually pick the guys that are everyone else's picks.  I have my own reasons, but I was never really into the guy that everyone else wanted.  So don't judge my picks.  We are in the judge free zone, much like Planet Fitness.

So these free kisses are in no particular order.  Because you know, I wouldn't want to hurt any of their feelings.

1.  Joseph Gordon Levitt.  Oh I just like his face, and his sense of humor.  And he looks completely sexy in a suit.  He may actually be number one.  And he's not even that much younger than I am!

2.  Jesse Williams.  There is no way that you couldn't get past his eyes.  And lips.  And brown skin... 

3.  Paul Rudd.  I love a funny guy.  I really think Paul Rudd is hilarious and adorable, and I like his beard.  I think he is tied for number one with Joseph Gordon Levitt.  He may even win because he happens to be my age...

4.  Justin Theroux.  This guy is all bad boy-ish.  I like the way he dresses.  I like him better with a bit of a beard, but he is absolutely attractive either way.

5. Gerard Butler.  Another hilarious, attractive guy with great eyes.  And a great beard.  Apparently he's quite a player, but you know, why not? 

Who are your free kisses?

tiny and insignificant

If you were having trouble accessing this blog recently, sorry.  I didn't realize it was showing up as blocked - hopefully nobody was really offended.

Anyway, I was kind of trying to figure out what to do here.  A few years ago, when I started doing this, I wasn't sure of much.  I wasn't sure if I'd be good enough, or relevant.  I wasn't sure if anyone would really care about what I put out here, if anyone would read.  I wasn't sure if I wanted anyone to read.  I wasn't even sure if I was doing it right.   

And you know, I guess I still don't know.  I'm still unsure.  One thing that I am sure of though is that my uncertainty is reflected in every post, to me.  And I hate that.

Do all bloggers feel this way at times?  Like, what's the point?  There are so many great blogs out there - so many smart, funny, talented people - I'm just a tiny, kind of insignificant drop in the ocean.  

But the thing is, I'm not sure if I want to be big and significant.  I put enough pressure on myself to write something, anything meaningful most days.  If I was like one of the big bloggers, I'm positive it would be too much for me.  I'm sort of a quitter-before-failure, by nature.  I'd be way too afraid of failing to be good enough, and quitting altogether would be a very attractive option.

Ah, sorry about my moaning and groaning.  Maybe I'm just in one of those uncharacteristic woe is me moods.  I'm not usually too moany and groany,  I'll get over it, and be more chipper tomorrow.

Hope to see you then.

with kale, i write

OK, so the weirdest thing happened.  I was reading blogs and things, and my computer died.  So I plugged it in and decided to read a book while waiting for my laptop to recharge a bit.  Of course, just a few minutes later, my nook died.  So that's not the weird part.  The weird part was that I of course decided to plug the nook in to charge, and was kind of aimlessly wandering around the kitchen, bored, thinking maybe I was hungry enough for a little snack.

And my mind was all, "Oh!  We have kale!  I'll steam some kale!"  And then my mind said to itself, "WTF Jessee?"

Because, steamed kale?  As a snack?  What are we, animals??  Like, healthy animals??  What about donuts and cookies and like, candy?  And frosting and cookie dough and other sugary sweet things, that are so bad for you?  Kale??

So I steamed some kale. And I tossed it with a little olive oil, lemon juice, and salt and pepper.  And I ate it, loving every freaking bite.

A month ago, I decided to do this cleanse. Not like the kind of cleanse where you starve yourself and drink shakes and like, disgusting wheat grass or something, but a healthy cleanse. The kind that cleanses your body of built up toxins and things.

I read about this thing, it was a 21 day cleanse where you gradually eliminated meat and dairy and eventually ended up eating vegan.  I decided that three weeks of eating good and smart and consciously wouldn't kill me at all. Either way, the three weeks were going to pass by, why not at least try it.

Honest to Cod, I believe this is the first time in my 43 (ugh!) years of life that I ever stuck to something. Like, made an actual decision to follow something, and then actually followed it til the end.

It wasn't hard. I am lucky that I like fruits and veggies. The cool thing about this cleanse was that in following it by the book, which had strict daily meals, I ended up making and trying a ton of things that I've never tried before (like kale and jicama). I made things that I was sure I wouldn't like, and loved them.  Seriously, I could almost live on this "diet."  In the three weeks that I did it, there was only one meal that I didn't like, and it was a roasted root medley. Wtf, right? Just too many roots I think. 

I hate the diet thing. Hate. I hate feeling deprived. I hate feeling like I can't eat a bowl of Lucky Charms without feeling guilty. Not that I ever really eat a bowl of Lucky Charms, but you know, if I felt like it, my initial feeling would be guilt.

Anyway, I did it. And it was good, really. Besides feeling better physically, I ended up dropping some pounds, which was a rather pleasant surprise. Kind of like a kick start to getting back on the wagon, which I so stupidly fell off of last year.  I'm a few years behind the fit at forty thing, but I'm catching up.  

I'll get there.

friday five you can call me Goldilocks

So it's Friday again!  WooHOO!  That means it's time for a blog hop!  Do I sound excited?  Sorry, I will tone it down, it is kind of early around here for such energy.  Basically, it's a super easy post.  I used to just set the timer and free write, whatever was on my mind, without trying to censor or think too hard.  Usually, once I started, it was easy, and I didn't have to think about it at all. 

That's kind of my goal for this blog hop - just five minutes of free writing.  Nothing Fancy, nothing planned, nothing needing to be humorous, or inspiring or anything for others - just for you.

So set your timer!  When you're finished, link up and share!

11:30 am

I'm not a huge fan of this time of year, where I live.  I'm sitting here looking out my back door, and the grass is brown, there are smatterings of snow plops, just randomly plopped.  I can see the muddy woods just beyond my yard.  And it's grey.  Grey days aren't exactly my favorite.

I don't need a heat wave, but my favorite weather is definitely more like Spring, or Fall.  Should those be capitalized?  For a self-described wordie, I am very challenged when it comes to capitalizing, sorry.  But yeah, I like it sunny and coolish, not too hot and not too cold.  Kind of like Goldilocks.  You can call me Goldilocks.

I'm ready for Spring.  Tulips and little leaf buds and green grass and baby birds and light jackets... ah, I am definitely ready.  I could handle being in a place that has weather like that all of the time.

I could handle a lot of things.

Time's up.  Happy weekend all.  Link up and share your Friday post!

nothing to talk about

I can't believe it's Thursday.  This week has flown by so fast, I feel like my head is spinning!

I woke up this morning remembering that the cleaning person was supposed to be coming.  I so didn't want to have to get up and showered and be like, presentable enough to have someone in the house.  I guess it's not that big of a deal, to be moseying around in my pjs with the cleaning person around.  I mean, it's not like I wear anything other than yoga pants and a tank top to bed usually, but I certainly had to put my bra on.  Damn it.  I rather like it when I can free-boob it.  Can't really do that outside of my house though, or I'd look like one of those ladies that go to the grocery all dirty with their boobs at their bellybuttons.

Well, not that my boobs would be at my bellybutton, but my cup definitely runneth over in that department, so it wouldn't look too attractive.  I always wished that I was flat chested.  Seems like you always kind of want what you don't have.

OK, enough about my boobs.  Jeez guys.

You know, if I had much more to talk about, we could move on from my boobs, but I think I'm going to wrap this boring filler post with a funny cat thing that I just saw somewhere, because I like to share funny things.  And I'm not really even a cat person!  Well, except the purring, drooly kind.

My resignation as an adult will be handed in shortly

I am sorry, I get myself crazy reading these autocorrects, so I am just going to go ahead and share.  They get me every.single.time. and they are vulgar. I can't help it that I find these so freaking hilarious.  Don't judge!

  

my awesome partner

This week's list is 10 ways that my partner is awesome.  So, that's not too hard at all.  

So here we go:

1.  He leaves me notes with stick figure drawings on them, pretty much every day.

2.  He always cleans up the vomit - all of it - kids, mine, dog... he's the best vomit cleaner-upper I know.

3.  He does any chore - not just the "guy" chores.  He'll do laundry or dishes or whatever needs doing.  He panics at the grocery store, but he'll still go if I ask him to.

4.  He carries my bags.  All of them.  Always.

5.  He defers to my TV and movie choices, even if they're girly.

6.  He never yells (at me or in general) or calls me names, and he won't fight with me.

7.  He gets up with the kids in the morning to make breakfast and lunches so I can sleep in a little.

8.  He works really hard every day.  He's affectionate and loving, and he doesn't snore.

9.  He accepts me as I am - wrinkles, weight, crappy pink haircut, random cranky mood, whatever... he never ever says anything that makes me feel bad about myself.

10.  He never tries to control me.  He knows when I need space, and he gives it to me.

OK, I am not done.  There are way more.  I have to add a bonus five.  Sorry if you are all sick of reading how awesome Alex is.

11.  He makes me laugh, pretty much every day.  He's a funny guy.

12.  If he asks me, "What's for dinner?"  and I say, "Take out?"  He always answers, "That's exactly what I was thinking!"

13.  He's not a bar-hopper or big drinker, and he's not the type to ogle other women in my presence.  He's really respectful.

14.  He never gives me a hard time about spending money, he's not all tight with a buck.

15.  He's really smart.  He can fix pretty much anything.  And if he can't, it bugs him, so he'll figure it out and he'll do it right.

I think one of the best things about Alex though, is that he tries to understand me, and that's really important to me.

Friday Five blog hop

So it's Friday, which means I'm hosting this Friday Five Blog Hop thing again.  Basically, it's a super easy post.  I used to just set the timer and free write, whatever was on my mind, without trying to censor or think too hard.  Usually, once I started, it was easy, and I didn't have to think about it at all.

That's kind of my goal for this blog hop - just five minutes of free writing.  Nothing Fancy, nothing planned, nothing needing to be humorous, or inspiring or anything for others - just for you.

So set your timer!  When you're finished, link up and share!

It's a little after 4, and it's been a long day.  I feel like I have a lot to do and only a little bit of time to do it.

I was doing a bit of running around today - actually this is the first time I've sat down at the computer all day!  It always seems like I have so much to do, but not enough time to do it.  Tonight we are going to the local high school play, so that should be fun.

I like those things.  Kara used to be in every high school production... when she graduated, I really missed going to see her stuff.  I was glad she continued with it in college, and now she does some things here and there in NYC.

Here's my kid Kara singing a tune from the musical Wicked when she was in college:




Aw, that clip makes me miss my kiddo.  Even though she's only a few hours away, it's still hard to see her all that often.  Ah well, I get that she's doing her thing, and I'm happy that she is happy.

Well, time's up!  Happy weekend to you guys.