with kale, i write

OK, so the weirdest thing happened.  I was reading blogs and things, and my computer died.  So I plugged it in and decided to read a book while waiting for my laptop to recharge a bit.  Of course, just a few minutes later, my nook died.  So that's not the weird part.  The weird part was that I of course decided to plug the nook in to charge, and was kind of aimlessly wandering around the kitchen, bored, thinking maybe I was hungry enough for a little snack.

And my mind was all, "Oh!  We have kale!  I'll steam some kale!"  And then my mind said to itself, "WTF Jessee?"

Because, steamed kale?  As a snack?  What are we, animals??  Like, healthy animals??  What about donuts and cookies and like, candy?  And frosting and cookie dough and other sugary sweet things, that are so bad for you?  Kale??

So I steamed some kale. And I tossed it with a little olive oil, lemon juice, and salt and pepper.  And I ate it, loving every freaking bite.

A month ago, I decided to do this cleanse. Not like the kind of cleanse where you starve yourself and drink shakes and like, disgusting wheat grass or something, but a healthy cleanse. The kind that cleanses your body of built up toxins and things.

I read about this thing, it was a 21 day cleanse where you gradually eliminated meat and dairy and eventually ended up eating vegan.  I decided that three weeks of eating good and smart and consciously wouldn't kill me at all. Either way, the three weeks were going to pass by, why not at least try it.

Honest to Cod, I believe this is the first time in my 43 (ugh!) years of life that I ever stuck to something. Like, made an actual decision to follow something, and then actually followed it til the end.

It wasn't hard. I am lucky that I like fruits and veggies. The cool thing about this cleanse was that in following it by the book, which had strict daily meals, I ended up making and trying a ton of things that I've never tried before (like kale and jicama). I made things that I was sure I wouldn't like, and loved them.  Seriously, I could almost live on this "diet."  In the three weeks that I did it, there was only one meal that I didn't like, and it was a roasted root medley. Wtf, right? Just too many roots I think. 

I hate the diet thing. Hate. I hate feeling deprived. I hate feeling like I can't eat a bowl of Lucky Charms without feeling guilty. Not that I ever really eat a bowl of Lucky Charms, but you know, if I felt like it, my initial feeling would be guilt.

Anyway, I did it. And it was good, really. Besides feeling better physically, I ended up dropping some pounds, which was a rather pleasant surprise. Kind of like a kick start to getting back on the wagon, which I so stupidly fell off of last year.  I'm a few years behind the fit at forty thing, but I'm catching up.  

I'll get there.

5 ways to drop some damn pounds

This is funny.  And strangely, kind of accurate.

1.  Get your ass off the couch.  Pick up a dumbbell, or a kid (one and the same sometimes, eh?) and put on your damn sneakers and take a walk.  Or a jog.  Or even a wog.  Just, do something.  Something other than watching 12 back to back episodes of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, wondering why you can't be thin and rich and like, have a shapely ass.  Yes, the Kardashians do have money, they can afford gym memberships and trainers and cute sneakers, wah wah wah.  I know, it sucks not to be the Kardashians, (In the financial way.  And maybe also the shapely ass way.  And kind of maybe in the Brody Jenner super hot step-sibling way.) but let's be real, you don't need any of that crap to get your butt out the door.

2.  Stop shoving shovelfuls of shitty food in your mouth.  Yes, you.  I mean me.  Let's be real, those amazing Grandma Brown Chocolate Fudge cookies are not doing anything to help you get Kim Kardashian's shapely ass.  Not at all.  And the creamer, and sugar in your coffee?  Not good.  No, because trim people use skim milk.  It tastes like shit?  Wah wah wah.  You can drink the creamy sweet stuff when you drop a few pounds.  Now step away from the donut and eat a freaking banana.

3.  Drink a shit ton of water.  You don't like water?  It's boring?  Well, too bad.  That "Diet" Coke (I used air quotes there if you didn't notice) that you drink 3 liters of a day isn't making you any slimmer, dumbass.  The fact is, diet soda actually makes you hungrier.  So going through the drive thru getting a Big Mac, Large Fries and a Diet Coke isn't helping.  No, no it is not.  If you want to go through the drive thru at McDonald's, get a baked chicken sandwich and some apple bites.  Or a cheeseburger and kid sized fries.  Just don't get the diet soda, get a bottled water.  Put a lemon or lime in your there if you want some flavor.  And some ice for good measure.  Maybe even get some bubbles in there, to make it fizzy.  You know, like seltzer water.  Everyone likes fizzy things, right?

4.  Track what you eat.  And just because you don't track the part where you cleared your kids plate and ate 3 peanut butter and jelly sandwich bread crusts, 4 forkfuls of mac and cheese, and the bottom part of the cupcake with no icing on it doesn't mean you didn't eat it.  Be real.  Be honest with yourself.  Write that shit down every day, every bite.  If you've never done this before, you'll be shocked.  We eat way more than we think we do.  Studies show that when you track your food, you're more conscious of what you put in your mouth.  Who knew?

5. Find a friend.  You're not very friendly?  I mean me.  You're shy, kinda introverted? Uh, me again.  Hate people you don't know and already like?  Tough.  Suck it up.  If you don't have it in you to ask a buddy to walk with you, find an online friend.  There are online friends every fucking where.  Everyone wants to be your weight loss buddy online.  Just avoid meeting them in a dark alley if they suggest getting together to "discuss your weight loss progress."  Apparently, when you have someone to commiserate with, someone to push you as you push them, someone who isn't a judgey asshole in your corner, you're likely to lose more weight and keep it off.  I guess sometimes we just need a motivational friend.

Most importantly, (this makes 6 ways, a bonus!) STOP BLAMING PEOPLE, and take responsibly, now.  It doesn't matter how or why you got here.  It doesn't matter if you're 200 pounds overweight or 20.  Life is short and being overweight is unhealthy.  You're the only one who has the power to fix it.  

Now c'mon.  Let's go.  We got this.  I can be your motivational friend, and you can be mine.  Maybe.  But wait!  I'm not good at friends!  Don't call me, I'll call you?  

peace and quiet

Shocking, this house is overwhelmingly quiet and peaceful right now. This is not what I expected of a week's break from school.


Kara headed back to college yesterday - I was sad to see her go, but it's nice to know that she's wrapping up her semester soon. Before we know it, she'll be back again. I always feel so much more comfy when all of the kids are home in their own beds at night. We're going to see her in a few weeks because her play (Sweet Charity) will be opening on the 22nd. I think we'll go on the Friday, because it'll just be easier with getting a sitter for the little kids. I am really looking forward to seeing it because the last musical she was in was in high school! I miss seeing her on stage, she is so talented. She wanted Charity, but she got another decent female role instead - she's loving it regardless. I can't wait to see it!!

Little Alex went with Dad and a few of the other grand kids to Jeepers. I am hoping it will go smoothly - when he gets with some of his cousins, there is always a chance of something going awry! Dad called me this morning while I was at Wal-Mart, annoyed because my house was locked. He was trying to get in to get Alex a pair of sneakers, as he only has his soccer cleats on (he was being picked up from practice on the way). I didn't know he was going right after practice, so I never packed his sneaks - oh well, at least he's wearing his indoor cleats. He'll get over it. Maybe he'll start a new trend.

Megster had a Girl Scout field trip to Build-a-Bear in Albany today. I dropped her off with her leader, and they were heading up as a troop to build some bears! It was their reward for selling so many cookies this year. In other words, Megan is being rewarded for nudging me along to fall SO HARD off of my diet wagon, that I can't even stand myself. How anyone can resist a box of Samoa's is beyond me. And Thin Mints. Ahhhhh...Tag-a-Longs. In all honesty, I have no will power at all against most Girl Scout cookies. Thank God it's only once a year.


And lastly, Miss Brookie is "doing a quiet" in my bed. I try my absolute best to keep kids in a nap schedule for as long as humanly possible. Now that Brooke is approaching 4, she seems to be having a harder time actually napping. Honestly, I don't mind if she plays in her bed for an hour or two, just so long as I get a little quiet time to myself each day. Quiet time for me is catching up on email, going through real mail, cleaning, reading, etc. I think every stay-at-home mom needs a little quiet time! So when Brooke asked ever-so-sweetly if she could do a quiet in my bed with the TV on, I caved and allowed it. I think she may have fallen asleep though, because it is awfully quiet up there.

I think I'd better go check to make sure she is not getting into anything...she is my mischievous kid after all!