lyrics SADMAD

I love music.  I listen to music every single day. Every day. I'm one of those people who listens to and thinks about and feels the lyrics, too. It's very rarely mindless listening, for me. If I am in a sad mood, I really have to put on a happy freaking playlist or I'll just like, fold into myself, just getting sadder and sadder. If I'm driving along in a regular mood and a certain tune comes on before I have a chance to think about it, I can immediately get emotional, happy, sad, angry, nostalgic... music is a very powerful thing for me.

I think every now and then I'll post the lyrics (and maybe a video) of a song that make me feel something. This song just came up in a playlist of mine (Oh hey, I'm on Spotify: jesseeb, if you want to check out any of my playlists), and it's one that makes me sadmad. That is an emotion, GUYS.  What song makes you sadmad whenever you hear it?

Separate Ways

-Teddy Thompson

Come rolling into town
Unaware of the power that you have over me
And what am I to do with, 'Hello, how are you'?
Nothing's ever said that should be

And I don't care about you
If you don't care about me
We can go our separate ways
If you want to

The ties of love are strong
But they can be undone
And we'll go our separate ways
If you want to

I'm turning into me, not you
I can change my mind not my blood
And not all who love are blind
Some of us are just too kind
We forgive too much and never speak our minds

And I don't care about you
If you don't care about me
We can go our separate ways
If you want to

The ties of love are strong
But they can be undone
And we'll go our separate ways
If you want to

I'm giving up on you
And I'll turn my heart to something new
And we'll go our separate ways
If you want to

I stood out in the rain, holding my breath
Waiting for you, you never came
You broke my heart, you broke my heart
I know who's to blame, you're to blame

And I don't care about you
If you don't care about me
We can go our separate ways
If you want to

The ties of love are strong
But they can be undone
And we'll go our separate ways
If you want to

10 tunes angsty 80's girls played the shit out of. oh wait, that was me

I think we all can agree that kids these days have it great with such easy access to music.  Any song or album that they want is literally at their fingertips, right there for the taking.  Just pop it in a playlist and you have it forever. 

It was so hard to get a copy of a tune when I was a kid, back in the olden days.  We would go to such great lengths to record songs from the radio.  Nobody wanted to buck up for the entire cassette (or record. yes I am that old) for just one song, so there was a system.  You would sit in your room with the door closed, hoping none of your obnoxious sisters would barge in and ruin the recording. You'd be tuned in to your favorite radio station, cassette recorder in hand, finger on the record button patiently waiting for the moment your song came on. 

Sometimes, we were lucky enough to get a heads up from the DJ that the song we were trying to get would be coming on next, but more often than not, it was left up to chance.  You could potentially have your finger hovering over the button for the better part of the night, no kidding.

I have more than one mix tape that you can hear a door creaking open in the background, or a frantically angry whisper to "Get out!"  With three sisters, it was really hard to get some alone time in my little house, so inevitably I'd pick up on some kind of commotion.

ANYway, I was an angsty teen in the 80's, so I decided to be so kind as to share some of the tunes that I'd be willing to wait hours to record.  If you click on the song, the YouTube video will play.  Watching those videos is kind of a huge walk down memory lane.  And also, what the hell we they wearing?  What songs did you play 500 times in a row when you were a teenager?

1. Bonnie Tyler, Total Eclipse of the Heart

2. Prince, Purple Rain

3.  Peter Gabriel,  Red Rain

4. Phil Collins,  In the Air Tonight

5. REM, The One I Love

6. Cyndi Lauper, Time After Time

7. The Cure, Just Like Heaven

8. Simple Minds,  Don't You Forget About Me 

9. U2, With or Without You 

10 The Replacements, Within Your Reach

te amo

Te Amo

...Tell me where you come from darling
Tell me where you run to honey
I am only here to listen
And I am only here to fear

Tell me everything about you
Tell me about all the hearts you steal
Fire is burning round me, are you gonna burn with me too
Cause I don't really want this life
All I really want is you

Are you gonna take me up there
Are you gonna help me see
Are you gonna lift this madness 
or are you going to bury me

So shall I run
Or shall I fall, shall I fall for you
I'll burn it down, I'll sell it all 
sell it all for you

...Living my life in shadows
I don't know what this all means 
But I am a seeker 
and I'm seeking you to rescue me
                                      --trevor hall

tied to me

And all of these days they pass like water
Should I even tighten the grip of my hand
I get the sense that we're all chasing after
The same simple thing that I don't understand

To carry you on

And you wear a color that I don't remember
Your hair so much shorter than it used to be
Years cannot change all the secrets we gathered
Years cannot change what you still mean to me

To carry you on
Tied to me

I'd like to linger with you till the morning
And pretend the winter has given to spring
Conjure up guilty reminders together
And fade into this like we both used to be
-william fitzsimmons

friday five

It's Friday, late afternoon and it is pouring.  It's been pouring all day.  This morning I rolled out of bed so freaking early,  I felt like an animal.  How do people get up at 7:00 am?

I am not a fan of sleeping in actually, I can't really do it.  I can never sleep past nine.  I hate wasting the day, even if it's dark and dreary out and warm and cozy in, and under the covers.

So anyway, I had to get up at the asscrack of dawn to go pick my girls up from my Mom's house so I could get them to school on time.  They spent the night because we were out at a freaking awesome concert last night til late.  We went to see Morrissey.  I love him.  I don't care that he's not into girls.  I just love his smooth, velvety voice.  

So we went to this concert and I was so happy because I was not surrounded by a bunch of young kids feeling all out of place.  However, I was surrounded by hipsters - tons and tons of them, all wearing their glasses and hats and beards.  Several pompadours were observed, especially in the front row.  Which I had a good view of.  Because I had great seats, that's why.  I did feel a little out of place surrounded by the hipsters, I have to admit.  It's hard to fit in and feel somewhat cool around them.  

The concert was good.  Rather loud though, I know I sound like my grandmother saying that.  I probably looked like my Nan too kind of holding my ears closed a snitch.  It really was LOUD!  I bet if I was younger I wouldn't have even noticed.  The drummer was awesome and there was a gong.  No, not a bong (darn it!) a gong.  We were five rows back and right smack in the center, so I could literally see the sweat on Morrissey's brow.   It was awesome.  He has a really sexy underbite.

Anyway, moving on... tomorrow will be another asscrack of dawn kinda morning for me, because I am flying out to San Francisco to meet my sister and friend.  We're going to hang for a few days like girls.  It'll be so nice, I can't wait.   Hopefully the weather is good.  That reminds me, I better go pack!  

So if you don't hear from me for a few days, don't you worry.  I'm all good (unless I die a fiery death in a tragic plane crash.  in that case, farewell.) and I will catch up when I get back sometime next week.

Happy weekend!

friday five

It's Friday!  I'm not sure if I should be excited or not.

It's a little after 1:00 and I've been working on some stuff.  Writing.  Going a little bit out of my comfort zone, and working on a different style.  I don't hate it.  I wish I could put music to it actually.

I'm a little out of sorts today.  I need to figure out a way to get myself cheerier, need to figure out a way to not let things get to me.  It's hard sometimes.  

This song called "Love, Love, Love," was just playing, by Of Monsters and Men and I love these lyrics.  Sometimes I am so distracted listening to the words of a good song, I forget what I was even doing.  This part is really visual, it's like a painting.  Does that sound weird?  

     these fingertips

     will never run through your skin

     and those bright blue eyes

     can only meet mine

     across a crowded room 

     filled with people 

     less important than you

I wish I could paint.  I want to paint a picture of those words.

I guess I don't have much going on this weekend, which makes me happy.  I quite enjoy a rare weekend with nothing on the calendar.  It feels good.  I do have a few little excursions to plan this weekend - airplane tickets to get booked.  In mid-October, I'm hopefully going to California for a few days with my sister, and then heading to South Carolina for a wedding towards the end of that month.  Hoping to make it out to Denver for another wedding around the New Year, which should be great.  Then, who knows where I'll go?  Any suggestions?  For my next big solo trip, I'm thinking Seattle.   

Time's up!  Happy weekend guys!

monday listicle 10 songs

So the Monday Listicle topic this week is 10 songs.  Well.  I was kind of hemming and hawing, not sure of how to approach the ten songs thing because you know, I listen to music a ton, like every day.  And I really like all kinds of music.  So what 10 songs?  What kind of songs?  Randoms?  Faves?  Cheesy?  80's?

Then I was thinking about how everyone in my life makes fun of the weird tunes that I like, until they are forced to listen to them a few times. Then they decide that the tunes are in fact, rather cool.  Have to admit that it gets me smirking when I see my 7 year-old singing along to an obscure tune called, "Love your Shoes," by Furniture.

Either way, it's still hard to pick, because a large majority of the tunes that I find myself listening to would probably be considered weird by your average top 40 listeners.  So here's a little smattering.  Sorry if any of them have ads or aren't official videos.


10 WEIRD TUNES THAT I LIKE

1. Love Your Shoes by Furniture



2. Dirty Paws by Of Monsters and Men



3. I Don't Believe You by The Magnetic Fields



4. Lonely, Lonely by Feist



5. Slow Show by The National
 


6. Swim Until You Can't See Land by Frightened Rabbit



7. Everything in its Right Place by Radiohead



8. Video Games by Lana Del Rey



9. Lippy Kids by Elbow



10. Atmosphere by Joy Division



linking up

drop in the ocean

                                                                       
  I don't want to waste the weekend  If you don't love me,pretend   a few more hours  Then its time to go
  And as my train moves down the east coast  I wonder how you keep warm  It's too late to cry  Too broken to move on

  And still, I can't let you be

  Most nights I hardly sleep

  Don't take what you don't need from me

  Misplaced trust in old friends  Never counting regrets  By the grace of God,   I do not rest at all                                                            A Drop in the Ocean
                                                                       -Ron Pope                                                                 

satellite

                                                              Santa Fe, NM

Shining like a work of art
Hanging on a wall of stars
Are you what I think you are?

You're my satellite

You're riding with me tonight
Passenger side, lighting the sky
Always the first star that I find

Elevator to the moon
Whistling our favorite tune
Trying to get a closer view

Maybe you will always be
Just a little out of reach

-guster

let's talk neil diamond

Way back in the day, what seems like forever ago, I moved to Colorado.  I was just starting my senior year in high school.  Long story short, it was a quick decision, made on a whim.  I was being all dramatic and all, "I'm going to quit school!" "Boohoo I hate my life!" "Boys suck!" and my awesome aunt, who happened to be visiting from Colorado, had the misfortune of being in the near vicinity for the conversation.

So, like only an awesome aunt would do, she offered to house me for the year, kind of like an exchange student.  My mom was probably all, "WooHOO!  Take her!  She's greaaattt...." And then she winked and high-fived anyone in the near vicinity behind my aunt's back.  My mom must have laughed herself silly the whole way home at my poor unsuspecting aunt's clear lack of understanding of dramatic teen aged girls.  And she ran straight to the travel agent and secured my plane ticket before my aunt could change her mind.

And so pretty much a week later I was crying on the plane to Colorado.  Because once I sat down in my squishy tight uncomfy seat, it suddenly became pretty clear that I was leaving my sisters, my little town with all of the kids I was friends with since kindergarten, my awesome bedroom and my big comfy bed, my dogs, my parents and like, everything I knew.  On a whim.  For an entire year.

I was basically so freaking scared.

When the plane arrived in Denver, my aunt was there to get me with my two cousins.  One was six and one was almost three.  The three year old had a meltdown on the way to the baggage claim area and I was sufficiently mortified.  Because he was loudly flipping out and I was a very easily embarrassed seventeen year old who did not like to be looked at.  And when all of the people in the airport turned to look at the noisy lot of us as we walked by,  I thought to myself, "Whoa self, what did you just do?!"

As we drove through the development to the house, I was thinking, "I am never going to remember which house is mine."  Every single house looked the same, and the streets in the development seemed completely confusing.  So very different than the unique homes in my little rural community.  Thankfully, all of the driveways had the house numbers painted on them (weird?), so I figured at least I could memorize my number (8336 - still got it 25 years later!).  And we were home.

My aunt showed me around, showed me my room.  It was a good sized room that they had been using as a playroom.  It was pretty basic and bare with white painted walls and just a twin pull-out bed, bookcases and a desk.  I felt overwhelmed with the fact that it was so unlike what I had willingly left at home - pretty much a girlish, warm and comfy bedroom overflowing with memories of the past 17 years of my life.

It was a fresh start.  There was a blank slate in front of me for the first time in forever, and suddenly I was excited.  Nervous, but excited.  I could do this!  I could be the "new girl."  I could be anyone I wanted to be.

So I plugged in my little boom box, popped a Neil Diamond cassette in and promptly started setting up my space to the tune of one of his older live albums, Hot August Night.  As the familiar music played, I calmed down and breathed.  

Neil Diamond.  Who knew it was so dorky to know every word of every song?  It never occurred to me.  All I knew was that it was all that was ever really played at my house growing up.  Every year, or whenever the newest album would come out, we'd get it.  We'd open the lid of the massive wooden cabinet that housed the record player, and listen to the songs over and over again, shamelessly dancing on chairs in the living room, right in front of our big bay window.  Dorky?  Maybe.  But it was home.

To this day, whenever I catch a couple of bars of most any Neil Diamond tune, it makes me remember being a silly kid and being happy.  During that one huge scary part of my life, good old ND reminded me that I could be brave, that I could be OK - that I could still be happy and silly even though I was out of my element.

Incidentally,  after living in Colorado for just a short time, I met some really kind, accepting people.  I made some friends and one of them totally made fun of my secret Neil Diamond obsession, along with my very noticeable NY accent.  I believe the first time that he was in my room and I pressed PLAY on my little boom box, he was appalled to hear Neil Diamond.  I do have to credit that friend for introducing me to music that was actually off of the top 40 charts, for opening my mind up to some new-to-me music.  Cool, funky, awesome music that totally helped get me through the year away from home.

So I brought up this little story because I felt guilty for not mentioning Neil in my post last week about the 80's.  Cool 80's music aside, I'm putting it out there loud and proud, my first true music love was Neil Diamond.  You always remember your first love, right?

ps: I may or may not have seen Neil Diamond in several concerts over the years.

lie to me

One of my escape, what else can I say

I'll play dead and you can stay

And I'll help you kill your time

If you help me kill my night

And maybe one day get it right

Go ahead and lie to me

I'll believe in anything you say tonight

Go ahead and lie to me

Write "I love you," while I sleep

And hide it for another day to find

I will not confuse this with something true

Only that what gets us through

And I wonder down the line

When both of us are fine

Yeah, my  mind wanders there sometimes

I don't mind playing the fool, no

I don't mind playing the fool

i almost forgot about this song. i like it.

here with me
                   dido


i didn't hear you leave 
i wonder how am i still here
i don't want to move a thing 
it might change my memory

oh i am what i am 
i'll do what i want 
but i can't hide

i won't go 
i won't sleep
i can't breathe 
until you're resting here with me
i won't leave 
i can't hide
i cannot be 
until you're resting here with me

i don't want to call my friends 
they might wake me from this dream
and i can't leave this bed
risk forgetting all that's been

oh i am what i am
i'll do what i want
but i can't hide
and i won't go
i won't sleep
i can't breathe
until you're resting here with me
and i won't leave 
i can't hide

i cannot be 
until you're resting here with me

friday five

Friday Five Minute Purge:


It's a little before 1:00, and I just got off of the phone with my sister Jen.  We had a nice long chat about a bunch of important things.  I wish she lived closer, because I really feel like it's just not the same with her not here.  I'm not sure why, but I always seem to be downish on Fridays.  Funny - seems like most everyone else is all excited because it's almost the weekend.  It could be the music.  I am currently listening to this amazing cover of the song I Can't Make You Love Me by Bon Iver.  Seriously kind of bringing me down, but I love it.   Does music do that for you?  Or do you pick music to match your mood?  Guess what?  I am going to post it for you so we can all sit here and cry together.




Oh just go ahead and click.  It's pretty freaking awesome.  Who knew Justin Vernon could play the piano?  I think that realization made me like him a little bit more...  Anyway, I guess that's it for today.  Five minutes is up and I guess I don't want to spew any more from my saddish feeling self.  


Come back Monday for a smile and a better mood.

walk across the diamonds

                                                            Mission Street, SF

Lime Tree

Spark a match and watch the candle burn
the wick runs out and love takes its turn
on fallen angels and broken sounds
we will last past the final round
it took a while for you to find me
because i was hiding in the lime tree
above the city in the rain cloud
i poked a hole and watched it drain out
parallel to the city streets
our broken crowns beneath our feet
but as we walk across the diamonds
we know that love is always shining
so save me love save me all the time
i'll wash you down with a simple sip of wine
and toast my glass to all my loved ones
to let them know that the stars well they still shine

                                                       -Trevor Hall

remember mix tapes?

Unless you are (ahem) of a younger generation, you probably know what a mix tape is. You know, the things that came after records, but before CD's, which came before mp3 downloads. Have I lost ya yet, young'uns?

Well anyway, I have a lot of mixed tapes from back in the day. You know, straight up Say Anything style (love you John Cusack!), the things that old loves of your life made for you - cassette tapes mixed with all sorts of fantastic 80's tuneage - Psychedelic Furs, Modern English, Peter Gabriel, Pink Floyd. . . U2(!), Echo and the Bunnymen, The Smiths!! 

Remember the tapes that you made yourself, sitting with your tape recorder pushed up to the radio while waiting patiently for your requested song to come on, which would subsequently be ruined when mid-way through the crappy taping, one of your sisters would slam open the bedroom door and scream at you that you were wearing her fringed boots?

Oh wait.  That didn't happen to you too?

Back to the point. The problem is, the only thing I have to play them on is a pink Barbie princess boom box (do they even call them that anymore?).  As you might imagine, the sound quality isn't exactly amazing on that thing.  But on the plus side, it has a microphone, so I could rock out to my old favorites!  Yeah.  I guess that might be something to try when I am all alone, all alone.  Like I am right now.  Til 3:26 pm.  Five days a week.

Gah!  I am having kid withdrawl.  Whoa.  Did I just say that out loud?

driving and singing loud and eclectic playlists

I've often been accused of having really weird tastes in music (among other things).  My likes really vary so much, I have to admit, it is very eclectic.  I really like to mix it up too -- if you looked at all of my playlists, you might come away feeling a little confused, because there definitely are a lot of genres going on.  And some of you may not appreciate a few of the tunes with explicit lyrics, or stuff that could be all top 40-ish, but hey -- I feel strongly that music is art, so whatever floats your boat is OK with me.  To each his own, right?

So I went up to see Eclipse the other night (OMG, I will never apologize for loving Edward), and I was by myself because Alex was working really late.  And I am kind of a huge fan of going to the movies alone, and driving alone, actually.  Pretty much the only time I get to blast what I like and sing is when I am driving alone. 

My driving alone, blasting and singing strangely eclectic playlist the other night was:

1. CUT Plumb
2. GRAVITY Sara Bareilles
3. SIREN SONG Bat for Lashes
4. LET IT ROCK Kevin Rudolf and Lil Wayne
5. LONELILY Damien Rice
6. BEST I EVER HAD Drake
7. STRONGER Kanye
8. PICTURES OF YOU The Cure
9. VIVA LA VIDA Coldplay
10. JUST DANCE Lady Gaga
11. LET IT ROCK Kevin Rudolf
12. EMPIRE STATE OF MIND Jay Z
13. DON'T DRINK THE WATER Dave Matthews Band
14. I MELT WITH YOU Modern English
15. THE WINDS THAT BLOW Duncan Sheik
16. SHAKE THAT Eminem
17. RUNNING UP THAT HILL Placebo
18. GARDEN GROVE Sublime
19. FOREVER Chris Brown
20. FIDELITY Regina Spektor
21. THERE IS A LIGHT THAT NEVER GOES OUT The Smiths
22. TIME AFTER TIME Cyndi Lauper and Sarah Mclachlin
23. YOUNG FOREVER Jay Z

Quite the mix, huh?  It made me happy anyway.  I actually took the long-cut on the way home and went down past the river, and sat there looking at the big fat orange moon reflecting on the water so I could finish listening.

What do you like to blast when you're alone?

the cure

rb davis

I've been looking so long
at these pictures of you
that I almost believe that they're real
I've been living so long
with my pictures of you
that I almost believe
that the pictures
are all I can feel

Remembering you
standing quiet in the rain
as I ran to your heart to be near
and we kissed as the sky fell in
holding you close
how I always held close in your fear

Remembering you
running soft through the night
you were bigger and brighter and whiter than snow
and screamed at the make-believe
screamed at the sky
and you finally found
all your courage to let it all go


Remembering you
falling into my arms
crying for the death of your heart
you were stone white so delicate
so lost in the cold
you were always so lost in the dark


Remembering you
how you used to be
so drowned you were angels
so much more than everything
oh hold for the last time
then slip away
quietly
open my eyes but I never see anything


If only I'd thought of the right words
I could have held onto your heart
if only I'd thought of the right words
I wouldn't be breaking apart
all my pictures of you


Looking so long at these pictures of you
never hold onto your heart
looking so long for the words to be true
but always just breaking apart
my pictures of you

There is nothing in the world
that I ever wanted more
than to feel you deep in my heart


There was nothing in the world
that I ever wanted more
than to never feel the breaking apart
of my pictures of you