46 things I have learned in these last 46 years or so

So I had a birthday recently.  Now that I am pretty old, I have gained a bunch of life experiences, and quite possibly a snitch of knowledge on a few things.  That's what happens when you get old. Old. OLD.  I'd be happy to share these wise lessons with you because that's what old people do, right? They impart their infinite wisdom on youngsters. 

I've learned that:

1. Travel is always worth it. Invest in experiences, not things. Experiences are infinitely more valuable than "stuff."

2. People will make time for you if you are important to them. And they won't if you're not.

3. The grass isn't always greener. Appreciate what you have.

4. Be kind, be generous, be thoughtful.

5. Some things just aren't meant to be. The sooner you accept that and move on, the better.

6. It's not really your business what other people think of you, unless they make it so.

7. There are no "grown-ups."

8. Be present. Actually living life is way more important than documenting it.

9. Life is too short to waste time with people that aren't nice to you.

10. It's really easy to become unorganized. 

11. Your kids grow up way too fast.

12. You really will get wrinkles if you don't wear sunscreen. Probably skin cancer too.

13. Write down funny things your kids say and do or you will forget them!

14. Plenty of guys appreciate a curvy girl, don't apologize for your curves.

15. Envy is a huge waste of time and energy.

16. Authenticity is everything.  Always be genuine.

17. There is only so much time... do what you love.

18. If it isn't beautiful, useful or something that gives you joy, get rid of it.

19. Nobody really needs 47 different black shirts cluttering up their closet.

20. Yoga pants really are pretty great.

21. Treat other people the way you expect them to treat you.

22. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what it's really like to walk in their shoes.

23. You are good enough.

24. A diet doesn't have to start on a Monday. Or in the morning.

25. Things change... your feelings, your thoughts, your friends - and it's okay.

26. Consume less, create more.

27. Trust yourself, follow your intuition. If something doesn't feel right, don't do it.

28. It's good to apologize when you are wrong.

29. Don't ask the question if you really aren't prepared to hear the answer.

30. Some people just weren't meant to wear high heels. Or short skirts.

31. Play with your kids before they don't want to play with you anymore.

32. You can get over sadness even if you think you can't, you're stronger than you know.

33. Napping is underrated. Does that make me sound old?

34. Read the book before you watch the movie.

35. Daylight savings time is stupid.

36. It's okay to travel alone, see a movie alone, go out to eat alone. Try it! Having time alone is healthy.

37. Nobody is really "normal."

38. Someone out there has it worse than you do.

39. My happiness is not your responsibility, and your happiness is not my responsibility.

40. Be brave. Try new things, have adventures!

41. It takes more energy to be hateful than to be kind.

42. It's ok to let your kids fail. Always saving the day isn't doing them any favors.

43. It's nice to be taken care of once in a while, or a lot.

44. Being on time shows other people that you care about and value their time.

45. Be honest, or be quiet.

and last but certainly not least,

46. It's better to be weird than fake.

15

My boy Alex turned 15 today...

Fifteen years of mischievous smiles, sparkly blue eyes, laughter, sweetness, silliness, love.

I do so love this boy of mine.

then...

now...

oh. 40.

It's my little sister Ali's 40th birthday today.  Wow.  She's old.  Which of course makes me old too, since she's younger than I am.

For her birthday, her husband had all of their family videos converted to DVD - such an awesome gift. I stopped over to have coffee like gentlemen this morning, and we watched a bunch of them - well, we only made it part way through the 4th one - there are 27.  Yow.  I see a lot of video watching in my future, because man, they are so great.

We all seem so young... the videos go back like 16 years.  Back when my skin was perfectly unwrinkled and I wore braids and bikinis and overall shorts (were they really in style?) and looked all cute and trim.  WTF.  

It's kind of motivating.  

I love listening to the kids voices, little.  My niece KK, I would recognize her kid voice anywhere.  My niece Abby too.  Their voices were so distinctive.  Kara was all small and had her same exact deep happy laugh.  There were some videos of little Alex so sweet and little and spitty, saying I love you mommy and aw.  It gave me a tear in my eye.  Ugh.  I miss my babies.

It's bad, when I see my kids as babies, so little and needing me.  Dangerous.  I can't help but imagine going there again.  Then I smack some sense into myself and shake it off.

I remember when my mom brought Ali home from the hospital, it was actually one of my earliest memories, because I was only like 2 1/2.  She was in this big white bassinet in our living room and I can remember tip toe peeking over the side to look at her, and mom shushing me and my sister Jen because baby Ali was sleeping.  As a little kid, she was always smiling, just the widest happiest smile.  She was this feisty little strong willed kid, but she definitely let me boss her around.  We played every day.  Doggies, house, teacher... we'd make mud pies in the back yard and play that we were the bakers at the "Short Stop," this little pizza place that also sold candy and ice cream cones in our town.  We'd swim and put on plays and dress up and run around the neighborhood knocking on doors and trig to get the neighbors to give us money for singing songs we made up.  We'd make up stories about being as small as a mouse and ride big wheels up and down the street and kick our little tiny pool balls all the way to school.  We'd be little trouble makers.

We went through a time where were less pals for a while, because she could be a little obnoxious.  I mean, when I was 15 and she was 13 - she was just a little kid with headgear who wore her hair in a tail.  She was always funny though.  We were definitely in different places for a while, pretty much til she had her first kid, my nephew Kieran.  Then we were moms, back on the same level.

So a little later we'll have some cake at her house because my mom still makes her a cake.  She's such a baby.  Then a little after that, we'll go out to dinner with my dad at this place that has two of my favorite things - lobster bisque and chocolate mousse.  I'm thinking that it's going to be a high calorie day.

Can't wait.

not a follower or a leader

I am not a follower.

Come to think of it, I am not really a leader either.

So what does that make me??

A thoughtful OBSERVER, that's what.

I listen, look, watch a bit, debate inwardly -- and THEN I make my move.

I'm not copying anybody because I like to be an individual.

So I got a camera.  Actually, Alex got me a camera.  Not because he is the only one who brings home the bacon in this house or anything.  He got it for me for my birthday.  Actually I physically got it, because he gets all crazy when his foot hits the blue carpet of Best Buy.  But that is beside the point.

I gave him a lot of great hints. Pretty much the best hint of all was that I emailed him a page from Best Buy that said, "This is what I want for my combined Valentine's Day slash Birthday present!"
So about a week before my birthday he calls me on my cell and is all like, "So do you really want that camera you have been talking about, and bombarding me with emails about for like ever?"

And I was like, "Of course I really want that camera I have been harrassing you about Hon."

So he was all like, "Fine, that just happened. Go get it and we'll combine it with your Valentine's Day present."  Which was very romantical of him.

In a moment of, "Shit this camera is really expensive" panic, I initially ended up leaving the store without buying it.  And I called him and told him as I was driving away that maybe I should just look on eBay for it or something.  I never really buy anything big for myself.  Or buy anything big for Alex to give to myself.

Which subsequently threw him into a little panic because then he was all like, "But I didn't get you anything else!  If you don't want the camera, you have to tell me!"

So I got the camera.  And we he got me a couple of cool lenses too, which are fun.  I am still learning, but I LOVE it.

But it sure seems to be the camera of choice for a lot of bloggers out there.  I found out about it a while back, before I even started blogging.  So really I am not a camera copy cat guys.  My friend Merry had one and it took amazing pictures.  So I have been on a mission ever since I saw hers.

So here it is, my new camera that I lovelovelove a really lot:

Isn't it great??

Time does not fly with 40 kids in the yard.

I mentioned here that Alex was going to have a little back yard bash for his birthday.  I think I also mentioned that I was not excited about it.  But I survived!  I'm a survivor!

First of all, time does not fly when you have about 40 teenagers in your yard.  I looked at the clock a minimum of 497 times in three and a half hours.  Well.  Make that four hours, because several kids accidentally showed up 1/2 hour early.

My biggest problem is worrying that something bad will happen to one of those maniacs under my watch.  Thankfully, only one kid got hurt.  Physically.  Not sure about emotionally, because with lots of teenage girls comes lots of drama, but I think everyone was pretty happy.  So one girl fell and had some bleeding, and crying, and got hovered over by a few other well-meaning *drama queens girls.  I neosporin-ed and band-aided her up pretty good and she got over it.  Hopefully her parents don't sue me.  At least I have a good attorney at my disposal. 

Also, I only heard of one making out incident.  Hey.  One out of forty hormonal kids isn't that bad!  I only had to send my husband out once to change inappropriate music on the ipod.  And only one girl accidentally ran into my screen door (subsequently breaking it).  She thought it was open.  She was mortified, poor thing.  She smacked into it so hard she bounced backward and almost fell off the porch.  My only question is, "Who walks into a house with such gusto?"

Just a tip - apparently, a lot of kids Alex's age think it's funny to smash cupcakes into each others faces at parties.  I'm guessing a lot of mothers do not think it's funny.  At all.  From this day forward, I am not frosting any cupcakes ever again.  Because let me tell you what a pain in the butt that is to clean up after.

     (yeah.  not so funny.)

One final thing.  If your kid is begging for an itouch or an xbox 360 or something equally expensive, just throw him a birthday party!  Kids these days give big money for presents!  Let me tell you, it's not the measly five bucks you gave when you were a kid either.  I was shocked.  Alex literally received $510. from friends at this party, and that doesn't include the actual presents from kids that he opened.  Yikes.  I guess inflation even hits in birthday parties, because I'm still only giving 10 or 15 bucks!  Who knew I was such a cheapskate??

I think I am going to throw myself a birthday party.  I could really use a new vacuum.  Wanna come over?

* ps - my own kid was a teen-age drama queen herself, so I get to make fun of those girls.  Since I had to suffer through the drama myself.  And now she is a drama/theater major in college!  Go figure!

Shouldn't there be some sort of cutoff?

I'm not a heartless Mom. 

I think I am a Mom full of heart. 

Except I hate that my son is having a huge birthday party. 

Shouldn't there be some sort of cutoff date for when a friend birthday party is no longer applicable?  (obviously family birthday parties are forever) I mean, Alex just turned thirteen.  I guess that is milestone-ish.  Because he is now a TEENAGER, as opposed to the day before he turned 13, when he was just a lowly 12 year-old.  So now I think I should get a break from teen parties til he is at least 16, which I suppose is another milestone-ish birthday.  Because then he can almost drive?  WOO HOO!  Then we can celebrate 18, because then he can officially vote?  And 21 for sure.  21 is big.  Because then he can officially drink at a bar without having to show his fake ID.  Yeah.

So anyway, I will have upwards of 40 kids milling around (the outside of) my house.  Boys and girls.  Alex has a lot of friends.  I'll be spending 3 1/2 hours trying to keep them from making out and playing spin the bottle and stuff like that.  Because apparently that's what 13 year olds do at parties.  Even if they claim they are playing Manhunt.  Take my word for it.  You can't trust those little punks. I guarantee they are playing Make out Manhunt, where they somehow change the rules so that kissing is involved.  (I just made that up.  But I don't even doubt that they would do that for one second)

I remember when Kara had her 13th birthday party, it was boy/girl, and all of a sudden this girl (who was a little slutty advanced) and boy were noticeably missing.  So I sent my husband around to track them down and they were kissing behind a shed!  Those tricky teenagers.  You really have to keep your eye on them. Meanwhile, Kara was still playing Barbies at that age.

ps - what is the protocol on that?  do you tell the parents?  do you like, holler at them?  do you just stand there til they notice you and embarrass them?

So what if you do if you find a slutty girl trying to makeout with your cute little innocent son??  Because of course your innocent son is easily led astray by pretty girls.  He is such a follower.  And he so notices the pretty girls. 

And have you noticed that 13 year old girls have gotten much cuter then when you were 13?  I mean, I had a boy haircut and a pudgy belly when I was thirteen.  And I wore sweaters with embroidered initials on them and knickers.  In my defense, knickers were very stylish in the 80's!  I got them from Saks 5th Ave in the city!  Gosh!  So my point is, the girls that Alex is friends with definitely do not look like pudgy little boys in ugly sweaters and short pants.

Well anyway, I have a plan.  I agreed to a backyard bash.  We'll have a bonfire, music and food.  I know they'll play Manhunt (Hopefully not Revised Make out Manhunt), and really, kids that age just want a place to hangout, talk, listen to music and kick around together.  Right?

Let's all say a little prayer. 

I will let you know if I survive.

My baby is FIVE today!

Brooke's birth was really scary, and I remember it like it was yesterday.


I remember asking Alex to sleep on the couch because he was sick and snoring so bad it was driving me crazy.  I had been having hard, hard Braxton Hicks contractions all day and night and I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep.  We were scheduled for an induction in two days because of my climbing blood pressure.


I remember getting up really early in the morning, it was still dark.  As soon as I stood up, I thought my water had broken, but I was actually bleeding.  A lot.  All over the place.  I whispered urgently down to my sleeping husband, and he immediately heard me and came running upstairs.  We called my sister Ali to come clean up while we rushed up to the hospital, because I knew if any of my kids came into my room and found me gone with blood all over the place they would panic.  She practically pushed us out the door because she thought something was really wrong.


I was unsure of what was going on.  I had never had my water break outside of the hospital bed, and I felt dumb and didn't know if that was normal - if that is what the fluid was supposed to look like. 


As soon as we got to the hospital I was put on a monitor and things weren't looking so great.  My doctor who I love came in and said we were going in for a C-Section.  His voice is very flat, like he has no inflection and he never looks worried, it's very hard to read him.  So I said, "But this is not that big of a deal right?"


And he rubbed his handlebar mustache and said with his flat voice, "Well, it's a pretty big deal. The baby is in distress."  So I cried  a little because I was scared. 


Things happened fast after that.  I pretty much immediately went in.  There was no time for my family to get there, it was just me and Alex.  Then my sister Ali arrived, but she had to wait outside.  I never had a baby by myself - it's always been a big family gathering, so it was very different.

In the operating room, Alex came in with his scrubs on, and I was still scared and I thought what if I die.  I didn't get to say goodbye to my kids.  The anesthesiologist was great and made me feel more relaxed.  Then Dr. Clark came in and they took my little Brookie right out of me.  It was so fast and it felt so strange while it was happening.  So totally different from a typical birth.

Brooke had a perfect little round head with striking blond hair.  She was good and healthy and I felt so grateful.  The nurse showed us her umbilical cord and it had a very, very tight knot in it.  They photographed it because it was so unusual.  They told us that if we had come in the next day for the scheduled induction, it probably would have been too late, because her oxygen supply was cutting off with the knot in the cord.  They told us I had Placenta Abruptia.


She was perfect.  I couldn't stop looking at her. 

Every day something that little peanut does makes me smile.  She is so sweet and tries so hard to be big. 

I just love that kid, my little Brooke Allison.  I can't imagine my life without her.

 

BIRTHDAY!

40 Lessons for 40 years:

(1) Make peace with your past so it won't screw up your present.

(2) Stay the course.

(3) It's OK to let your children see you cry.

(4) Apologize.

(5) It's not your business what other people think of you.

(6) It's never too late to be what you might have been.

(7) Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

(8) Don't sweat the small stuff.

(9) Envy is a waste of time, you already have all that you need.

(10) The best is yet to come.

(11) Life isn't tied with a bow, but it is still a gift.

(12) Yield.

(13) Get outside every day, miracles are waiting every where.

(14) Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

(15) Don't take yourself so seriously, no one else does.

(16) Believe in miracles.

(17) Your children only get one childhood.

(18) No matter how good or bad a situation is, it will change.

(19) If a relationship has to be secret, you shouldn't be in it.

(20) Forgive.

(21) Only you are in charge of your happiness.

(22) Over prepare, then go with the flow.

(23) Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

(24) Take the time to notice the small things in life.

(25) If it isn't beautiful, useful or or joyful, get rid of it.

(26) Everything can change in the blink of an eye.

(27) Don't worry, be happy.

(28) The sun is going to rise every day, no matter where you are.

(29) Don't be afraid to ask questions.

(30) Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

(31) Seize the day!

(32) Give yourself 15 minutes every day to calm and center yourself.

(33) Don't have a jealous heart.

(34) To what end, this money in our pocket?

(35) Don't audit life - show up and make the most of it.

(36) Time heals almost all wounds.

(37) You are loved.

(38) Ask for forgiveness.

(39) Don't compare your life to others.

(40) Today is special -- don't waste one minute of it.