welcome to my brain.

Sometimes a lot of weird stuff gently floats along in my brain. Usually I keep those random thoughts and observations to myself because I like to keep up the illusion that I'm kind of normal, but I am feeling a little filterless today.

So, 

Don't you think it would be awesome if someone started a line of opposite products?  Like you know how they have SmartWater?  Someone should make DumbWater.  I think it could be really a big seller.  Or instead of North Face, they could have South Face.  Or like Jessica Alba has a line of organic and healthy products from the Honest Co, I think someone should make the Liars Co.  They could sell shitty stuff with MSG and red dye in them.

Receptionists should probably actually be called Deceptionists, because they often have to lie and say that their boss isn't available when they really are, but they just don't want to talk to you because you're boring. Or something like that.

Are Bert and Ernie really gay?  Not that there's anything wrong with that.

What's the opposite of FML?

You know how apparently people are using the eggplant emoji in reference to a guy's size in the pants?  If that's the case, don't you think that they should have a baby carrot emoji for the guys that are unfortunately less endowed?

I think most call centers should start their recordings with "Press One for Stupid."  Things might be a little more streamlined if you just admitted it in the beginning.

I always thought you could grow your nose holes, but apparently you can't! I think they stay the same forever.  Ears too!

Did you know that "Netflix and chill" is apparently the new(ish) code for "hookup?" So if you asked your kid what he and his girlfriend did last night and he says, "Oh, we just watched Netflix and chilled," you should probably buy him a box of condoms.