You're probably wondering if I will answer that question in this blog post. And yes, yes I will. In due time.
In due time. Who says that? Apparently me. But hardly ever.
ANYway, guess what?? A ton of you guys are just as boring and bland and average as I am! No offense, but I find that kind of exciting. I bet you are wondering how I could possibly know that interesting information about all of you. I will just say that I read an article on the top ten resolutions that women make for the new year or something -- and guess whose three resolutions were in the top ten? Mine! So yeah. Because we're all like, so similar!
But that's not what this post is about.
This post is about what a racket I think Girl Scouts have going on. I mean the cookie part.
Lets be real -- how many people would normally spend $4 on a tiny little box of cookies?? The Girl Scout Racketeers get these cute little kids to walk around in their cute little uniforms and smile their cute little smiles, and then beg you for your cold hard cash in exchange for a couple of cookies. A thing that maybe holds 16 cookies, because doesn't it seem like they've really reduced the amount of cookies that they fit in those boxes?? I will refer to that concept as shrinkage. Similar to George Costanza's concept, but not really. So anyway, then those racketeers go ahead and scare you with the fact that you can only buy the (insert air quotes) "very special" cookies like once a year!
So then you find yourself trying to make a chart on how many boxes per month you think you your family will chomp through, and you know, with a family of five (that occasionally includes a boy that eats like a small horse) you would say that a fair assumption would be 8. Eight boxes a month. So if you multiply eight boxes a month by twelve months, you end up buying a truckload of 96 boxes. You know, just to be on the safe side. So then you go ahead and multiply the 96 boxes by the freaking four bucks a box and Cod help us all, we've just spent 384 bucks on cookies!! See what I mean about a racket??
I'd just like to point out that I multiplied all of that in my head.
Anyway -- it's a RACKET I tell you!
Well I am only buying eight boxes in total. That's a resolution right there. And I am going to hoard them. And I will shamelessly eat them in private. And I might share a few, but there's no absolute definitive in that statement. Because I am the mom. And I have that kind of power. Not like the Wonder Twins kind of power, but the Mother who makes and enforces the rules kind of Power. Which is pretty much as hard core as Wonder Twin powers, if you ask me.
p.s. I kinda forgot all about Phil Collins. I am typing this post while listening to my best ever 80's playlist on Spotify, and I just was pleasantly reminded of him when a cool old tune of his came on. You rock on Phil!
And THAT is what Girl Scouts, Phil Collins and mental math have in common. Mostly the fact that they all showed up in one random post, but still.
Some people have the nicest laughs. Like, they could probably be professional laughers. They'd get jobs where they were strategically placed in comedy clubs or movies just so they could laugh appropriately and get other people to join in. Their laughs are the kind that just compel you to join in. You have no control over it. It's catching. Like a yawn!
I read this article that said if you don't yawn when someone else yawns at you, it's indicative that you are a psychopath. Hm. That made me yawn at my entire family, you know, just in case. Because nobody wants a knife in the back while they are fast asleep, right? Thankfully, they all passed with flying colors! Then we all went to take a nap. Ha ha, no, we didn't take a nap. But really, they all yawned so they are all sane. Kind of. For the most part. I strongly suggest you yawn at your entire family too. It could really be revealing.
Imagine if your laugh was catching like a yawn, but nobody laughed too. That could also indicate something. Maybe it would indicate that you are laughing at something really stupid and unworthy of an actual chuckle, dumbass.
Personally, I think it's indicative of a person's compatibility if they don't sing along when Bohemian Rhapsody comes on the radio. Because who wouldn't sing along?? And also, the person gets bonus points for singing that one part with gusto, you know the part I mean. If I was driving along on a date with someone and Bohemian Rhapsody came on and they didn't at least hum, deal breaker.
Anyway, I always hated my laugh. I'm not sure if it is a good laugh, or an annoying one. I know a person who's entire face gets involved when he laughs. Like, eyes crinkled, nose scrunched up - all of it. It's awesome.
One time I was literally over 1000 miles away from home when out of the corner of my ear, I recognized the most distinctively obnoxious laugh, the laugh of a bus driver from my high school. I mean, clearly it had to be distinctive if I remembered it 20 years out of high school, right? I immediately turned to find the source and wouldn't you know, it was the person that I thought it was! Who knew?
I'm not really sure how to wrap up this post neatly at this point, so I'll just sneak out, the Irish goodbye, if you will...
