The traditional backwards kinda resos

And by "resos," I mean resolutions.  For all of you people who didn't exactly get it.

And by backwards, I mean the opposite of resolutions.  Like the opposite of a resolution should actually be called an Anti-Resolution.  Or something.

Anyway.  This year, in 2011, I resolve to NOT wear orange or yellow.  As a rule.  I look hideous in those colors.

In 2011, I resolve to NOT look at myself naked in the mirror.  Because that is some scary shit right there.  Not that I do that ever.  Not that there is anything wrong with that.

In 2011, I resolve to NOT ever, in a million years cook lamb.  Or eat it.  It brings me back to a moment in time when Mom tried to save money and feed us Lamb-burgers instead of hamburgers.  Scarred for life.

In 2011, I resolve to NOT make a myspace account.  Hello?  That is so 2008.

In 2011, I resolve to NOT download any Miley Cyrus to my itunes.  Except.  If there is a song she sings that I happen to like or something.  That's my loophole statement.

In 2011, I resolve to NOT spend 6 hours and 23 minutes on the comfy red chair perusing blogs.  Just putting that out there.

In 2011, I resolve to NOT pay one iota of attention to the old biological clock ticking and ticking and ticking madly away.  Four kids is plenty for me.  Plenty, I say.

In 2011, I resolve to NOT ask miscellaneous people for directions because I lost someone crept into my house in the dead of night and stole my GPS.  I hate following directions people tell me out loud.  After the first "turn left at the church corner," I blank.  And then I say "mm hmm, yeah, OK I got it now," and nod like a moron.  And so it's just a waste of breath for the poor direction giver.  You know?

In 2011, I resolve to NOT start a bunch of projects I can't finish.  I really need to be more picky and choosy.  There are only so many hours in my day, you know?

In 2011, I resolve to NOT set myself up for failure by attempting to accomplish unattainable resolutions.  That just happened.

Now those are some pretty impressive anti-resolutions right there.  I'm going to get right on them.  Like today.  Like in a minute.  Like, as soon as I wrap this post up.

Done.