Like, when you get a (insert air quotes here) real job you get a job description, right? Well, what is the job description for a stay-at-home? Certainly, my job includes maintaining the balance with the kids, my husband and the house. I do the majority of the house cleaning, the cooking, and the kid-carting. I make sure the kids are fed, watered, entertained, clean and neat, and where they are supposed to be at any given time. I make sure the house is presentable inside and out. I grocery shop, money manage, clean, drive, referee. I make sure my husband has the deoderant he likes, and the right soap and shaving cream and toothpaste BEFORE they run out. I make sure that he matches when he leaves in the morning, and has something to eat when he gets home at night. I remind him to take out the garbage and remember to take money to fill his car with gas or get a soda for the ride home. (**I feel the need to butt in here with a quick comment -- I LOVE being a SAH. I really, really do. So I just want to be sure that everybody knows that this is 100% not a little complain-y rant here. I truly feel grateful and fortunate to be able to do this.)
But back to why I feel like I wouldn't probably get any awards for my (air quotes again) job.
(1) I strongly dislike playing. I don't like playing Barbies and house. Lots of times I don't feel like pushing someone on the swings.
(2) I also don't love that dinner is BORING. I fall into this unbreakable pattern of what we eat for dinner, and it is pretty much the same every week.
(3) I do the laundry daily - wash, dry and fold. But I don't put it away (only for me and Brooke).
(4) I hate dusting.
(5) I abhor having sleepovers.
(6) I want the kids to be in their beds at 8, 8:30 at the latest. I don't care if American Idol is on -- I want to have some time to myself without talking and answering questions and getting someone water or wiping someone.
(7) Lots of times, the counters are messy because I can't bring myself to throw away papers and stuff.
(8) I nag my kids to clean their rooms and put away their junk. A lot.
(9) I get very crabby when little things like changing light bulbs and carry really heavy stuff gets left undone for long periods of time (weeks and weeks and weeks).
(10) I don't always get cards mailed out on time, and I am not the best at returning calls.
I know I am not supposed to be perfect (but I feel like I could be if I tried harder). And I know I do all of the things that I do with love and care. But I sometimes find myself just going through the motions and getting through the days. Like something really big and important is missing.
I guess I need to figure out what that is.
I think you are underestimating yourself & the impact you have on your family each day!You have a job that is basically 24/7. I know you like the children settled early-ish so you can have a little quiet time, but if someone is up in the night sick or whatnot I'm sure you're right there. There is no scheduled lunch or break during your day and even if you aren't up with kids at night you're working from early morning until 8pm. I'm a SAHM also and, like you, I'm so grateful I can do it. My husband is a physician and his current employment has him leaving the house at 6:15pm and returning at 8am for SEVEN straight nights, but when he sleeps during the day he isn't awoken by someone who needs a drink, an overflowing diaper, just happened to wake early, or sick. I think it's a trade off, he works long hours outside the home and I work long hours inside it. He couldn't work those hours if I weren't here tending to laundry, cleaning, appts for kids, errands, childcare, etc. Same for you! No way could Alex work long hours if he couldn't count on you to take care of the family and the home while he was away! I say you should be patting yourself on the back. P.S. The play here is not Barbi's, but pretending everything is a trash or recycle truck and dumping toys from one container to the next, preferably from high places so things scatter everywhere rather than hitting the intended container -- I hate to play also!
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure you stole this post right out of my head :)
ReplyDeleteReally, I think we all feel this way sometimes. For me, it is finding one or two tiny moments each day where I step out of myself and think of what small thing I can do to specifically let my kids know I love them (like give them a hug, or read them a book for the 1000th time).
And hey, macaroni and cheese makes them happy, and it's so easy to make! (Or maybe we could swap easy recipes so we could have a little more variety in our meals...)
Thanks for reminding me Lisa! I think when I was writing, I had just finished reading about someone else who seemingly could do it all - sometimes it feels a little thankless, but I wouldn't want it any other way. I so LOVE being the wife and the Mom that is able to be here taking care of my family. You are right -- it is a trade off, and it totally works for our family.
ReplyDeleteErin -- I am all for a recipe swap!! :):)